They`re attractive, educated, and date great people, but year after year they remain single.Is their struggle to connect and commit their fault, their partner`s, or both?4 things that drive anxious or avoidant attachments 1.
Recognizing these and other thinking errors is critical to discerning the difference between irrational thoughts and balanced thoughts.
Through confronting these thinking errors, singles often find it easier to: 1) choose their thoughts, and then 2) choose their love and love their choice. Pressure Whether pressure is created internally or felt externally from others, it usually amplifies the fears of the anxiously attached and shuts down the emotions of the avoidantly attached.
For example, when an anxiously attached person feels pressure to marry (either due to their fears, concerns over the length of the relationship, or from other`s questions) they often feel more doubt and insecurity about their partner`s feelings.
This can lead to a strong need for their partner`s increased validation, love, or commitment.
It can drive them to over-focus on getting and keeping a relationship (anxious attachment) or cause them to be plagued with doubts about whether they want the relationship (avoidant attachment).
Due to their belief that their need for commitment is understandable or their fears of incompatibility are reasonable, they often don`t see anxiety as being the true source of their problems. Common thinking errors Thinking errors are quite pervasive in our society.This is the secret ingredient to breaking the anxious and avoidant attachment pattern--sharing feelings, talking about fears, and making efforts to meet each other`s deeper needs.By doing this singles learn to increase trust and mutual interdependence. I define chemistry as “the feeling or desire that compels you, when in the presence of a particular person, to want to please them, touch them, and make them happy.” That’s it!Too many singles associate chemistry with the desperate feelings, longing, and compulsive thoughts that are actually a common sign of insecure attachments or addictive, abusive, or manipulative relationships.The truth is, emotions are fairly random, but they can consistently be changed if: 1) the person takes action, and 2) their emotions are not being scrutinized (by themselves or others).